


The buisness end of an umbrella

by Lord_Risley



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom John, Cushion aggression, Inappropriate pirate jokes, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Sexy Times, Top Sherlock, Top!lock, so cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 01:09:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5848009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Risley/pseuds/Lord_Risley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Is this one of those times where you say it’s like living with a modern day genius? Trying but really very rewarding” </p><p>“I’ve never said that in my life” </p><p>“I know, I do keep hoping”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The buisness end of an umbrella

Sherlock flung himself backwards into the cushions of the sofa, arms flying up and legs coming down with a loud thunk upon the armrest. He appeared to be in the throes of a childish sulk that any toddler would be proud of. His bottom lip jutted out and, his forehead drew in tightly to form a scowl of pure dislike and finally his arms crossed over and banged noisily against his chest. 

“No” 

There was a groan from the kitchen and a muttering of obscenities that involved Sherlock, buggering off and where he could stick his sulky attitude. John took a deep breath and prepared for battle. He’d seen war, he was a Doctor, He could get Sherlock to visit his bloody parents. 

“Sherlock, you haven’t seen them in over nine months. I can’t keep telling them you’re away working or that you happen to be in the middle of a case you cannot possibly leave. You just need to see them for lunch, nod a few times, smile when I kick you ad then we can leave!” 

“I really do not see why my presence is required at this meeting, surely you can do it yourself? You would enjoy the mundane activity far more than me and my parents like you” 

John’s lips pursed together tightly, so tight he resembled the rear end of a feline. 

“They’re your parents. It’s you they want to see” 

“Why? Have they forgotten what I look like? I saw no signs of early dementia last time I saw them, what are you basing this on?” 

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” John sighed. He desperately wanted to slump down onto the armchair but that would be the first sign of backing down and Sherlock, much like a circling vulture, could sense when a battle was about to be won. He stayed ram rod straight and walked forward the few steps to loom over Sherlocks prone form. 

“Your attempts to be intimidating are doomed to failure when you’re only five foot six. I would have to be on my knees and even then it would be ridiculous because we both know I could stand up and then you’d be shorter than me again” 

The cushion that bounced off of Sherlock’s head was not that much of a shock. John was easy to annoy and certain things always got on his nerves quicker than others. One, always mention his height, or lack thereof. Two, Prattle on and use logic, John seemed to hate logic and having it pointed out to him. Three, Compare him to Mycroft. 

“That’s so childish I would expect that sort of thing from Mycroft” 

He had already raised the first assault cushion as a defence when the second banged down onto him 

“What did I tell you about that?” John asked in his calm voice, his scarily calm voice. His calm voice that quite clearly conveyed that he may be smiling at you but at any moment he would be likely to make your nose a little less nose shaped. “Compare me to your brother and I will shove an umbrella where the-“ 

“OKAY. OKAY!” 

Sherlock interrupted up whilst unconsciously clenching a certain area of his body that really did not need to meet the pointy end of an umbrella. 

“Move” John said, sounding weary and fed up now. Sherlock acquiesced and sat upright once more, pulling his feet back so John could fall down beside him. 

“Is this one of those times where you say it’s like living with a modern day genius? Trying but really very rewarding” 

“I’ve never said that in my life” 

“I know, I do keep hoping” 

They both cracked into small smiles at Sherlocks attempt at a joke. That was never his skill in life and he knew it. After the dinner party and the three legged pirate joke incident Sherlock and John had both agreed that perhaps he should stick to his skills, one of which was clearly not making jokes or picking when they were appropriate. Mrs Hudson was still to occasionally be found muttering to herself about a pirates plank. 

“Sherlock, please. If not for your parents, then for me? Your mum rings me every single week. I have to make small talk and it gets harder and harder to make believable excuses for your lack of communication. She’s even suggested sending you a telegram. Do they even exist anymore?” 

“Only online and that’s hardly a telegram is it? I think they trade on nostalgia and whimsy. Ugh” He made a deep snorting sound of disgust as if such a thing were on a par with cull fighting or murder. 

“Stay on topic” The warning note in Johns voice had returned and from risen from the threat of nose rearrangement to knee capping too. “Just lunch. We could be there and back home within two hours” 

“Two hours?” 

“Two hours” 

“Two hours?” 

“Yes” Teeth clenching again. “Two hours” 

“What do I get out of this arrangement? I seem to be the only one making any sort of moves to accommodate everyone elses needs” 

He whipped the pillow up to cover his face and ducked down fast but no blow came the sofa cushion and a thoroughly pissed off man who was short of height but not ire. His curly hair appeared first and then slowly the rest of his face as he peered over the top of the cushion. “Why aren’t you attacking me?” he asked suspiciously. 

“I am not going to argue anymore, nor am I going to talk to your mother, that’s it. Done. Enough. Sort your own family out” And suddenly john was the one doing the best stroppy child impression, nose turned upward, chin jutting forward and arms across his chest. 

“But my mum likes you, you like my mum…she sends those cakes you like…with the orange bits in” 

Sherlock scooted a little closer to John. While he had no intention of visiting his parents, he always knew that losing John as his buffer meant a monthly visit from the Holmes parents at the very least. He needed to do that thing he was always being forced to do…Apologise. 

“I am sorry that you seem to be so tense” 

Only Johns eyes moved, swiveling to the side to move the death stare straight to Sherlock. 

“We will both calm down and then I shall accompany you to luncheon with my parents. I will eat one course, sip my wine, laugh at my dads jokes, compliment my mother and certainly not make any obscene jokes about pirates and their enormous-“ 

“Do you mean that?” John interrupted 

“I promise that once we both calm down I will go to lunch with you” 

He offered his hand out to John to shake in a very formal way of sealing their agreement. There was a momentary pause and John took the offered hand and shook it.  
“Thank you Sher” 

Sherlocks grasp on his hand increased and John was pulled, quite willingly, tight up against Sherlock. Their lips meant in a soft, gentle kiss that truly showed how sorry they were. Sherlock was a man of actions and not words when it came to the rocky and complicated world of dating. He always knew that he was truly forgiven when John kissed him softly like that. His apologies always sounded false and self serving, this was just for John. 

Their eyes met and there was a spark, a need, a lust seen by both. When Sherlock lunged at his lover, John was already braced and pulled Sherlock down on top of him, there was a flailing of arms and they both hit the floor. Houdini himself would have been amazed at the speed that Sherlock had Johns trousers off and thrown across the room. They half walked, half crawled to the bedroom as they stumbled about, kicking away clothing. John seemed unwilling to stop kissing Sherlock, even nibbling at the younger mans lips to keep him close. It didn’t slow them down, Sherlock merely ripped the shirt from Johns chest until it hung in tatters off his shoulders. They fell to the bed and bounced, each one desperately clawing at the other, needing to touch, feel, caress the warm body clamoring to get close. Their love making was always like this, initiated by either man but always a tangle of limbs, a series of crashes, bangs and grunted words. Their need for one another was animalistic and lust filled. They'd received more noise complaints from their landlady since their relationship began than "I've ever issued to anyone in my entire life!" 

 

They paid no heed to anyone else because all that mattered was that they had finally found each other, found a rhythm, happiness and contentment that suited them both. And so as John slowly lowered his well lubricated body onto Sherlock's hard shaft, they clung to each other. Sherlock knelt and held his lover in his arms, John sinking slowly downward, whining loudly as his body very slowly accepted Sherlock inside him. They still kissed, taking deep, gasping lungfuls of air between kisses. Sherlock moved gently, reading Johns body extremely well. He was needy and passionate but surprisingly considerate as a lover. Their bodies started to move together, a rock of Sherlock's hips, a slow bounce to Johns movements until he was fully seated in Sherlock's lap, his body full and stretched. Their foreheads rested against one another as John started to move, lifting himself and then dropping back heavily into Sherlock's lap, all worth it for the burst of pleasure that ripples throughout his entire being and the glorious look of total abandon on Sherlock's face. 

********************************************************

A crumpled, tired and very satisfied heap. That's how Sherlock would have descried himself as he lay gently atop his John, drawing in deep breaths and smiling goofily. His tongue flickered out to lick a bead of sweat from John's forehead, tasting it, nodding and declaring John needed to be rehydrated. 

"I wish you'd stop doing that. It's creepy" 

"You're just saying that because you're dehydrated" 

"You're a dick" 

"You love me" 

"Yeah, I love you....dick" 

Sherlock grinned so widely he could outstrip the Cheshire cat right now, He bent his head and curled inward toward John, the sweat cooling his body fast now but he was unwilling to get up when here was so very pleasant. 

John yawned and stretched a little (much to Sherlocks annoyance) "What time is it? We better get showered and dressed or we'll be late" 

"Late for what?" 

"Lunch. Don't start. You promised me!" 

"I did" Sherlock said slowly and using the 'But you've missed something very important' voice "But it seemed rude to stop midway through our first round of intercourse to remind you it was 2pm" 

John sat up so fast that Sherlock almost tumbled from the bed. His hand flew out to grab at the alarm clock on the side. 

"It's four fucking fifty!" 

"The fucking was at two and half three and ….oh I see what you mean, you were swearing for added effect. Yes it appears to be later afternoon" 

"How the hell did that happen?" 

"Well you see John, when a man loves another man very deeply, he starts to feel arousal and that can be shown through his-" 

Sherlock never got to finish his educational talk because John had shoved him off the bed.

**Author's Note:**

> I was at work, bored, left alone with nothing to do. This happened. Oops.
> 
> Comments please. I love them :)


End file.
